5 Ways to Help Kids in Stressful Cultural Moments

Share a Simple Explanation

I like a metaphor to explore this hint.  Your kid is asking for some water they don’t need the whole ocean, just give them a glass to drink.  If you have older kids, maybe they get the 16oz version.  If you have toddlers, maybe they get the 4oz, sippy cup version.  You are the expert on your child so explain in line with the capacities they have historically revealed to you. 

Now is not the time to introduce Socratic level philosophical debates.  Simple who, what, where should suffice.  Go easy on the why and how.  I suggest talking about the right to vote.  How the votes get collected.  You can add the candidates names and how the president will change.  You might even add that change scares people.  You do not need to explain political platforms or big pieces of your opinion.  Think of yourself as a history teacher who is teaching your kids about the political process and why this election is interesting.

Use this Moment to Practice Your Family Values

As a citizen of this democracy, it is in moments like these, with so much energy behind a change, that we can be educators of values and the political process.  What are some of your families core values?  What is the moral code you are passing on to your children?  Now, under intense conditions, is when that veracity of your claims gets tested.  Have you been teaching we respect others?  How we talk about the opposition shows our kids if we actually believe this is a value.  This doesn’t mean we dodge truth telling, but how we talk about “the other side” has vast repercussions beyond these next four years.

Take some time today to settle your own self and reexamine the values you have been teaching your kids.  Our family strives to teach truth telling, respectful conduct, and value for all life.  I am going to use neutral words to talk about the winner and losers of this election.  I will be avoiding highly charged language.  At the same time, I will share my fears and hopes because they too are real.  My kids will also get the refresher on what it means to disagree with someone and still be friends.  Finally, I will end on a hopeful note that sets them up for the future.  I will teach them that their attention and energy is needed for their country to thrive so pay attention as they continue to grow up.

Follow Their Lead

I believe our kids need to hear from us right now.  They should not have to navigate these waters alone.  Even if they cannot name the presence of upheaval, they know it is there.  All of a sudden, adult’s focus has shifted and energies increased.  By putting words to the reality they are sensing, we help them integrate the two hemispheres of the brain and process all that energy so that it doesn’t come out sideways.  
Remember not to give them the whole ocean’s worth of information.  Have a few simplified sentences prepared.  If they have any attention left at the end of that, you can add a little bit more.  When they change the topic or walk away, take that as a sign that they are done, for the moment.  Be prepared to revisit the topic later if you feel the need or they bring it up.  Finally, think of this as a multi-day maybe even multi-week conversation. Be ready to engage when they begin talking about a candidate, people acting weird, or if they repeat something a careless adult said in their hearing range.

Focus on Their Feelings

Children do not “live in their heads” the same way many adults do.  For the kids, they are sensing things around them are “weird.”  Asking questions about what they know or think will not be helpful.  Instead, you can ask things such as “Did anyone act differently today?” “Were any of your grown ups really happy or really sad?” “Did your body have more energy or feel slower today than other days?”  “Are any of the words people are using confusing to you?”  We are seeking to strike a balance between information and sensation.  Be curios about their feelings and it will help them process in a helpful way.

These big moments highlight for me the complexity of being a parent who is a person in a community in a country.  We are citizens with an extremely valuable, powerful position as caretaker and teacher of the future.  Finally, whatever you do, do something.  Don’t ignore this tense moment or leave your child to navigate alone.  Something as simple as “things are weird right now and you are safe and loved” will go a long way to help everyone.  Fellow parent, we got this.  We are better together so send an email, drop a comment, or text a trusted friend to get the support we all need when things are tense.

Utilize Children’s Books

I may be an expert on my child, but I still don’t know everything about them. Children’s books are an amazing resource for filling in the gaps of my own capacities. A book will help them see a topic in new ways. The book also helps makes something nebulous seem more concrete. Thankfully, there are authors who have written books to help. kids and adults process through really big things in life.
The bookstagrammer Elizabeth @thekidlitmama put out a list of titles that aptly cover the fear, uncertainty, excitement, and changes that our society is facing. A few highlights are the books All’s Right with The World by Jennifer Adams and The Breaking News by Sarah Lynne Reul and Most People by Michael Leanna.